Story first appeared in Happy Mag 94, under the title of, 'Entertainment Provided'.
Edited by Rex Diamond and adapted for radio by Richmal Crompton in collaboration with Alick Hayes.
Script published by David Schutte in William the Terrible. ISBN: 978 0 9546802 4 4
We find Ethel at home on leave, with Mrs Brown advising her husband, 'Now, dear. Ethel is nineteen, and very attractive. She naturally wants to go about and have a good time. You were the same at her age'. He agrees and William suggests their dustman has taken an interest in his older sister.
This suggestion goes down like a lead balloon.
Through conversation we discover that Ethel is currently corresponding with Hector, George, Gordon, Arthur, along with Jimmy, who has sent Ethel a dressing gown from Cairo. With all of these young men away for various reasons, Ethel is somewhat bored!
However, Mr Brown receives a letter from a business acquaintance by the name of Mr Wright, who will visit this afternoon, before Mr Brown will be able to get home. Mrs Brown says that she will look after him in the interim. Wright does some work at the Stock Exchange and Ethel says that she'll look after him when Mrs Brown realises that she has double-booked herself.
Wright happens to be the same surname as William's history teacher. The teacher that William is currently holding on a pedestal, and the same teacher that William now considers would be a good match for his sister.
Mr Brown leaves in a huff because William, the ever-helpful, has polished his work shoes with Blacklead, a product for cleaning the fire grate. Mr Brown gets it over his face, with little time to remedy the situation and Ethel doing what she can with a handkerchief.
Even so, William leaves for school happily as Ethel has gifted him a real army penknife. Ginger is suitably impressed, whereas Violet Elizabeth just talks about her uncle who 'driveth a thubmarine'.
William mentions that Ethel goes to 'Bottle parties' in London. These parties were effectively loopholes that meant between the 1920s and 1940s you could drink at an establishment after hours (after midnight), as long as you were invited and had ordered your drinks in advance! The alcohol could be delivered at any time and it has been written that girls could appear 'double desirable' in this 'romantic atmosphere', providing the opportunity for romantic relationships to progress a step further[1].
Fortunately, the youngsters conclusion is that people stand around drinking out of bottles, leading Violet Elizabeth to think it rude as only babies drink out of bottles!
Hubert is of course interested in the knife and William makes a deal to swap back Hubert' knife for the harmonica previously traded - leading William to make a plans for a booby trap when Hubert will arrive after school to make the reverse trade.
As school ends, William takes the opportunity to talk to Mr Wright, the history teacher, to ask hi to teach Ethel. With expert responses, William makes Mr Wright believe that Ethel has a learning disability and is home from an institution and he agrees to make an assessment.
After introducing Mr Wright to Ethel, William and Ginger head off to set up the booby trap - a bucket of water hanging from the bracket of the front door. The conversation between Ethel and Wright is stilted as she is talking about the Stock Exchange and misunderstanding, Wright thinks she is asking what bulls and cows are in the biological rather than economic sense.
The confusion becomes, slowly, clear when Mrs Brown returns home. Then the second Mr Wright enters the door and is drenched by the booby trap that awaited Hubert. With four angry adult voices aimed in his direction, and seemingly no escape, I wonder how William dealt with the fallout of this play, that ends abruptly.
| Cast |
|---|
| William |
| Mr John Brown |
| Mrs Brown |
| Ginger |
| Hubert Lane |
| Violet Elizabeth |
| Ethel |
| Mr Wright |
| Mr Wright (2) |
[1] Bottle Parties, 1940s (boakandbailey.com)
