BBC Radio Play S01E04 - William, Ethel, and Mr. Right

Initial broadcast information: Tuesday, 20 November 1945, 18:30-19:00.

Story first appeared in Happy Mag 94, under the title of, 'Entertainment Provided'.

Edited by Rex Diamond and adapted for radio by Richmal Crompton in collaboration with Alick Hayes.

Script published by David Schutte in William the Terrible. ISBN: 978 0 9546802 4 4

We find Ethel at home on leave, with Mrs Brown advising her husband, 'Now, dear. Ethel is nineteen, and very attractive. She naturally wants to go about and have a good time. You were the same at her age'. He agrees and William suggests their dustman has taken an interest in his older sister.

This suggestion goes down like a lead balloon. 

Through conversation we discover that Ethel is currently corresponding with Hector, George, Gordon, Arthur, along with Jimmy, who has sent Ethel a dressing gown from Cairo. With all of these young men away for various reasons, Ethel is somewhat bored!

However, Mr Brown receives a letter from a business acquaintance by the name of Mr Wright, who will visit this afternoon, before Mr Brown will be able to get home. Mrs Brown says that she will look after him in the interim. Wright does some work at the Stock Exchange and Ethel says that she'll look after him when Mrs Brown realises that she has double-booked herself.

Wright happens to be the same surname as William's history teacher. The teacher that William is currently holding on a pedestal, and the same teacher that William now considers would be a good match for his sister. 

Mr Brown leaves in a huff because William, the ever-helpful, has polished his work shoes with Blacklead, a product for cleaning the fire grate. Mr Brown gets it over his face, with little time to remedy the situation and Ethel doing what she can with a handkerchief. 

Even so, William leaves for school happily as Ethel has gifted him a real army penknife. Ginger is suitably impressed, whereas Violet Elizabeth just talks about her uncle who 'driveth a thubmarine'.

William mentions that Ethel goes to 'Bottle parties' in London. These parties were effectively loopholes that meant between the 1920s and 1940s you could drink at an establishment after hours (after midnight), as long as you were invited and had ordered your drinks in advance! The alcohol could be delivered at any time and it has been written that girls could appear 'double desirable' in this 'romantic atmosphere', providing the opportunity for romantic relationships to progress a step further[1].

Fortunately, the youngsters conclusion is that people stand around drinking out of bottles, leading Violet Elizabeth to think it rude as only babies drink out of bottles!

Hubert is of course interested in the knife and William makes a deal to swap back Hubert' knife for the harmonica previously traded - leading William to make a plans for a booby trap when Hubert will arrive after school to make the reverse trade.

As school ends, William takes the opportunity to talk to Mr Wright, the history teacher, to ask hi to teach Ethel. With expert responses, William makes Mr Wright believe that Ethel has a learning disability and is home from an institution and he agrees to make an assessment.

After introducing Mr Wright to Ethel, William and Ginger head off to set up the booby trap - a bucket of water hanging from the bracket of the front door. The conversation between Ethel and Wright is stilted as she is talking about the Stock Exchange and misunderstanding, Wright thinks she is asking what bulls and cows are in the biological rather than economic sense.

The confusion becomes, slowly, clear when Mrs Brown returns home. Then the second Mr Wright enters the door and is drenched by the booby trap that awaited Hubert. With four angry adult voices aimed in his direction, and seemingly no escape, I wonder how William dealt with the fallout of this play, that ends abruptly.

Cast
William
Mr John Brown
Mrs Brown
Ginger
Hubert Lane
Violet Elizabeth
Ethel
Mr Wright
Mr Wright (2)

Thanks for reading and keep checking back as I explore this fascinating series of plays written by Richmal Crompton.

[1] Bottle Parties, 1940s (boakandbailey.com)

Upcoming Book: Richmal Crompton, Author of Just William: A Literary Life

Richmal Crompton, Author of Just William: A Literary Life

After bring listed on Amazon for a few weeks, there is now an image associated with the upcoming biography by Dr Jane McVeigh, which is due 23 July 2022.

Here's the link for anyone wanting to read about the book, or place a pre-order:

https://amzn.to/3I81gKX

BBC Radio Play S01E03 - William - The Pond-dweller

Initial broadcast information: Tuesday, 13 November 1945, 18:30-19:00.

This is a new original story for the BBC Play series.

Adapted for radio by Richmal Crompton in collaboration with Rex Diamond and Alick Hayes.

Script published by David Schutte in William the Terrible. ISBN: 978 0 9546802 4 4

As far as it goes, Mr Brown is in a jubilant mood. He has bested 'Old Colonel Hawkins' and his new steel-shafted clubs at golf with his old hickory clubs. 

His mood is so good that when Miss Milton comes to complain that William has been in 'her pond', which in living memory has been public property, Mr Brown actually says that William is a 'fine boy', not only that but he has taken on Mrs Brown's favourite phrase that William has turned over a new leaf.

Miss Milton is most unpleased by this response. Now that a solicitor has confirmed that, historically, the pond belonged to her property, she has fenced it off.

We also have something here that is often missing in the books - continuity - which Crompton admitted she was lax about in an interview. Mr Brown mentions William has faultless behaviour since he broke the geyser and insulted the MP in previous weeks.

Of course, this 'faultless behaviour' must always come to an end; otherwise William wouldn't be our William!

In this case a golf ball crashes through a window and smashes a vase close to Miss Milton, upsetting her further. 

With no damage done to Miss Milton, they eventually get rid of her. This leaves William and his father to have a most cordial conversation about golf, which Mr Brown is pleased his son is taking an interest in. Well, he was interested, until he realises that William has broken a cherished club. 

Of course, in true William fashion, he goes for a walk before any consequences can be brought down upon him.

The eternally 'unwanted' Violet Elizabeth makes herself known to William, who has been muttering to himself during his walk, shortly followed by the addition of Ginger. Discussions about how to get back the pond from 'Milly', Miss Milton, are just beginning when Hubert Lane appears holding a white flag of peace and proposing an armistice between his and William's gangs until the pond is returned to their rightful ownership.

Options are discussed for the method by which the pond will be returned to them. Eventually, the idea of a message in a bottle, found at the bottom of the pond, will do the trick. 

Hubert certainly knows his history and dictates a well considered letter to William. When this is complete, and a bottle found, the group decide to meet that very midnight to progress their combined mission.

Violet Elizabeth scares William when she appears as a ghost, which is actually a mackintosh that happens to be too large for the girl. We also discover that Hubert has been waiting for them, unseen. The reason for Hubert's early arrive is realised when William climbs the tree to deliver the bottle to the pond. A laughing Hubert confesses that he has sawn the tree branch almost clean through after William falls unexpectedly into the pond.

This commotion awakes Miss Milton, who is heard screaming at her window.

The final scene is full of suspense as Miss Milton arrives at the home of the Brown family talking about going to the police. William is desperately trying to squirm his way out of the room with the excuse of wanting to get to school (raising Mr Brown's suspicions). However, as things become clear, we realise that Miss Milton (who has Spiritualism as her current fad), has concluded that the 'thing' she saw at midnight is a tormented spirit that inhabits the pond.

An unsteady Miss Milton agrees that William can use the pond, which will now be unfenced from her garden. As William leaves in a rush to get to School to inform Ginger of their success, Mr Brown confesses that 'It all looks very fishy to me'.

Indeed!

Cast
William
Mr John Brown
Mrs Brown
Ginger
Hubert Lane
Violet Elizabeth
Miss Milton

Thanks for reading and keep checking back as I explore this fascinating series of plays written by Richmal Crompton.

BBC Radio Play S01E02 - William, Prime Minister

Initial broadcast information: Tuesday, 6 November 1945, 18:30-19:00.

Story first appeared in Happy Mag 85, June 1929 Issue, under the same title.

Adapted for radio by Richmal Crompton in collaboration with Rex Diamond.

Script published by David Schutte in William the Terrible. ISBN: 978 0 9546802 4 4

This episode begins at the home of the Browns on a Saturday afternoon by the fire. 

Setting up later events, Mr Brown receives a letter from Mr Lane, asking him to second the proposal of more classes for the youth by the MP that is staying with him. Brown is pleased by this, particularly as Mrs Brown says that politics needs clever people such as himself.

The bathroom geyser, a natural gas water heater originally invented by Benjamin Waddy Maughan, a painter, in 1868 (dangerous to use as no flue for venting gas vapours), has recently been fixed. The one owned by the Browns may have been a later model designed by Ewart and Son that could mix hot and cold water to the desired temperature.

We discover William double-checking this resolution by the sound of the boiler bursting, just as his mother was imploring Mr Brown to give 'the boy a chance'. That chance goes flying out of the window as William explains that there has been a 'bit of an accident with the ole geyser', which has exploded and according to Mr Brown, 'wrecked the place'. 

As in episode one, William goes off mumbling to himself about the injustice of the world aimed towards him. An issue he intends to resolve by becoming Prime Minister.

Ginger meets William and upon spotting Hubert Lane through a hedge, they fire shots at him with William new garters. This eventually ends in a discussion which leads to a General Election in the barn later that day. William as Conservative, Ginger as Liberal, and Hubert as Socialist. I was surprised to see that the same Socialist party still exists as the Socialist Party of Great Britain (SPGB). It last put forward two candidates for the 2019 General Election, achieving just 157 votes and no seats. In comparison, the Conservative party gain 13,966,454 votes and stayed in power with 365 seats, something William may have been happy with considering that his father was Conservative.

The speeches are due to take place in the barn and this is the ideal entrance of Violet Elizabeth. She is fantastic in this scene as she has no fear of the boys and has a talent for heckling them. Ginger has the idea that his success will be based on inviting his voters to his next birthday party with the benefits of looking at his aunt's parrot through the window. This falls as Violet Elizabeth though the previous party was 'a rotten party'.

Hubert explains that Socialism is about getting other people's money and sharing it around. This will make all of his voters richer. This stumbles when Violet Elizabeth points out the flawed logic of this idea. As if everyone becomes a Socialist, then there will be no money to share around from elsewhere. Hubert's attempt falls when he ends his speech with saying that if anyone in the audience had an sense they'd see the logic of this proposal.

William simply tells a story of an Air Force pilot in WWII and the Battle of Britain, who took down 18 Germain planes in one fell swoop. William survives the questioning and says that this pilot was a Conservative. William is unanimously elected!

This brings us back to Mr Brown's letter as the children become aware that there is an MP wanting to give them extra classes. With much cajoling, William is convinced that as the newly elected Prime Minister, he must attend the adult's meeting and put a stop to this monstrous proposal.

The children all attend the meeting through Mrs Bott, who lets them in. The MP is pleased to have children taking an interest, well she was, until William started speaking!

The MP learns that this is Mr Browns boy, which puts Mr Brown out in the cold when he arrives late when he is received with the MP stating to him, 'I wonder how you dare to show your face here'.

We don't know if the classes are adopted, but we can imagine William's fate as Britain's most short-lived Prime Minister.

Cast
William
Mr John Brown
Mrs Brown
Ginger
Hubert Lane
Mr Lane
Violet Elizabeth
Miss Crump
1st Boy
2nd Boy

Thanks for reading and keep checking back as I explore this fascinating series of plays written by Richmal Crompton.

BBC Radio Play S01E01 - Fireworks Strictly Forbidden

Initial broadcast information: Tuesday, 30 October 1945, 18:30-19:00.

Story first appeared in Happy Mag 78 as Fireworks Strictly Prohibited on 1/11/1928.

Adapted for radio by Richmal Crompton in collaboration with Rex Diamond and Alick Hayes.

Script published by David Schutte in William the Terrible. ISBN: 978 0 9546802 4 4

In this, the first of 55 plays written by Richmal Crompton, we witness William's dilemma as he attempts to buy fireworks on the 5 November 1945. 

We greet the family, minus Robert, at home during lunchtime. Ethel on leave from the ATS (Auxiliary Territorial Service), the woman's branch of the British Army that operated between 1938 and 1949 - showing quite a mature level of responsibility for the often care-free Ethel - although, you wouldn't think so with her continued immature attitude towards William and his appearance!

The first method is simply to ask the parent who makes such decisions. In this case, it is Mr Brown, and in this case, the answer is no (is it ever yes!?).

William begs a little before offering to weed the garden for the bargain rate of a penny for each square foot. With the payment of sixpence in advance. The offer is, unsurprisingly, declined. Not only this, but Mr Brown specifically tells William he is not to have fireworks at all, due to previous damage he has inflicted with them.

Our hero then hears Ethel speaking of a friend to made money by selling her hair, which puts a seed of a thought into his head.

After lunch, William goes off in a huff speaking to himself about the injustice of the situation. He is met by Ginger, who has had no luck in obtaining fireworks either.

The boys head off to the nearest hair salon, which happens to be in Hadley, and operated by a Cockney speaking with a fake French accent. Innocently, William explains that he's been sent by his sister on business, which coaxes the manager out. However, upon realising that it is William's head of hair for sale, he gives the boys short thrift and sends them on their way.

Hubert Lane is the next obstacle. Already, metaphorically, throwing his abundance of fireworks in their faces, William and Ginger chase after, but lose him at the cinema. However, this gives William yet another idea for a plan!

They head off to the Lane abode, wrapped in bandages from a first aid box, asking for a bicycle pump. Managing to convince Mrs Lane that just opening a box of reputable Tonks fireworks leads to them exploding in the face of the unwitting box opener, she gives the boys her unopened fireworks for disposal. Mrs Lane even offers to pay them half a crown each, but William is overcome by conscience and refuses on behalf of bot himself and Ginger. 

That evening they are lighting fireworks, and about the light the fire, when a furious Mr Brown approaches. William manages to manipulate his father into joining in with the festivities by asking for his advice on how to set up and light a firework properly.

Mr Brown uses the same manipulation when Mr Lane and Hubert discover that William has the 'stolen' fireworks, by asking Mr Lane how to properly light a fire. 

As William, and Mr Brown, say, "What does it matter as long as we're all enjoying ourselves" - Indeed, and if only the world worked more inline with this philosophy.

This play is accompanied by Richmal Crompton's original script for the play. The final script is greatly expanded, with a few changes, including the idea for selling hair for money coming from a book and not Ethel's friend. It is the scene at the Lane's house that is most changed and the original is worth a read. 

Cast
William
Mr John Brown
Mrs Brown
Ethel
Ginger
Hubert Lane
Mrs Lane
Mr Lane
Hairdresser
Hairdresser's Assistant
1st Boy
2nd Boy
Gertrude the Maid

Thanks for reading and keep checking back as I explore this fascinating series of plays written by Richmal Crompton.